Ten years on…wisdom (?) gained since leaving the Bar

It has now been a little over 10 years since I left a 15 year career at the independent Bar.

I had already started delivering some training in a legal setting – witness familiarisation and training experts – but I didn’t know what I was going to do longer term. 

The first thing I did was spend a month in Malaga becoming qualified in Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) and I thought I might travel the world doing that.

But, it turns out it’s quite hard work with anti-social hours and pretty poor pay so I needed to think again.

Through doing more and more one to one training sessions, I realised that one of my passions is making a difference for people and, after a few false starts, that led me to qualifying as a Coach and Mentor.

Along the way, I also realised that the barrister skill set that was transferrable – I could help people have persuasive and courageous conversations based on what a barrister does in the courtroom and I could cross examine people in training sessions in a bid to help them work in dangerous roles more safely and to ensure they don’t end up giving evidence in a coroner’s court.

I am now lucky enough to do a lovely mix of coaching, mentoring and training so to mark 10 years away from Chambers, even though I sometimes still use the present tense, here are 10 things I have learned that might help others, not just other barristers.  

• There is room in life for more than one career (and you do have transferrable skills)

I am really glad I practised at the Bar.  I have no regrets.  In many ways, it is an amazing profession and it is a great training ground for communication, resilience and clear, logical, evidence-based thinking. But, there is life outside it.

I often work with barristers and other professionals who have fallen out of love with their careers and are wondering how they can get that love back, or whether there is a different world out there for them.

If you have trained for many years to become a lawyer, accountant, engineer or similar there can be a real trepidation about stepping away from it. 

Of course, it shouldn’t be a hasty decision.  But, I can tell you there is a whole brave new world out there, barristers do have transferrable skills, and so do most other people.

Don’t be the one who wakes up at 40 or 50 or 60 and realises that they’ve been living somebody else’s dream.

• The parable of the Mexican Fisherman still holds good

This was my parting gift to everyone in Chambers, or at least a link to it was.  I won’t paraphrase it here as there are lots of different versions out there and I would have no idea whose copyright I was stealing.  But google it and see what you think.

The very abridged lesson from the parable is that you should enjoy life here and now rather than living for retirement or building up stacks of cash so that you can do the really simple and valuable things like lie in the sun when you could just make less cash now and lie in the sun anyway.  

Lots of people on the internet put it better but my main takeaway from it is to live for today and not to spend the whole time focused on work and money to enjoy in some distant, unpromised future.

• Having a great network around you is priceless

I love working alone and have never had any great ambitions to scale or employ people.

But I benefit greatly from having people around me giving both formal and informal help and advice.

I found most of my network up a hill with www.freshwalks.co.uk but am also still very happy to be surrounded by lawyers a lot of the time in my social and professional life.

I value being part of several wider networks and have discovered that it’s OK to accept help.  People love to help.  I love to help other people. There really is no glory in trying to work everything out yourself.  So give some time each month to finding your people.

• If you have the immense privilege to choose your working location, use that privilege

My drafting tutor at bar school was fond of telling us how great drafting work and a paper practice was “because you can do it anywhere, even on a yacht.”

And that was decades before Zoom had been heard of.

I have yet to step foot on a yacht, but I am taking advantage of the ability to work nomadically more and more.

Whether that is writing this blog on a Sunday morning train journey or booking a cheap AirBnB in Europe for weeks when all my work can be done remotely, there is a big world out there and a limited time in which to see it.

To be very clear, this is not about filling weekends away with work, or never taking a proper break, but rather working the same amount, or preferably a bit less, while bringing some variety and some travel into your life.

It’s enriching and mind-opening.

• Feedback can be embraced not feared

I am very fond of saying that there was (and is) little at the Bar resembling feedback. 

You can be sacked or re-instructed or neither and you can interpret any of those things as you wish. 

But that approach does nothing to highlight what you are doing well or what, specifically you might do to improve.

So, when I started training as an associate in a large training company and was forced to ask delegates to give me feedback after every session, it was something I instinctively wanted to shy away from.

But, as I did more learning, I came to embrace the feedback and the opportunities for improvement it presented. 

Getting real praise was also something of a shock to the system and very welcome to the extent that I now get frustrated if I complete a course or a project and there is nothing tangible in the feedback that I can either celebrate or change.

If this is not yet you, I recommend making asking for feedback a regular and fairly casual part of your routine.  Get into the habit of asking people, “How could I have done that better?” or “Can you give me one thing you liked about our work on that project and one thing you would prefer to have been done differently?”

• Reflection is nearly as useful as feedback but only if you do it right.

“How can reflection be wrong?” you may ask. 

Easy – either because it doesn’t happen at all in a regular, considered way.  Or because when it happens it is the equivalent of beating yourself up with a big stick, rather than an even-handed approach which takes in what went well as well as what could be improved in the future.

I have noticed that in busy professions people often move onto the next task without taking the time to reflect on the work they have just completed.  And, as for taking time to pause regularly to think about the bigger picture, career direction or work/life balance – that is alien to many people.

And reflection doesn’t have to be complicated.  I firmly believe that anyone can build the habit of asking yourself some simple questions weekly or on a case by case/project by project basis or, for the bigger picture, quarterly or a couple of times a year.

It will help you see patterns that might otherwise go unnoticed and recognise the possibility of making changes in a timely manner.

• Wellbeing is not fruit in a kitchen or a free yoga class

I mostly work with individuals and companies who share similar values, but occasionally I work with an organization where wellbeing initiatives seem to be used as sticking plasters.

The attitude there seems to be that it is ok to expect an 80 hour working week or constant availability if we provide some fruit and an exercise class; perhaps even some plants.

But, almost universally, team members would benefit more from quality time with their family, manageable stress levels, a sufficient number of colleagues to do the work.  They would then be able to eat healthy meals, find time for exercise and enjoy their work.

True wellbeing isn’t something that can be handed out in a corporate package. It’s about creating an environment where people can thrive—where they feel valued, supported, and balanced. When organisations focus on the deeper issues, the benefits of wellbeing initiatives become genuinely meaningful, fostering not just healthier employees, but a healthier, more sustainable workplace culture.

• You can be a lot happier with a lot less cash

Whilst obviously being a super-successful coach and trainer, I do earn a lot less than I did at the bar and certainly a lot less than my peers at the bar who have continued to practise.

But, I don’t feel a lot poorer.  I think there are a few reasons for that – I do have more time to stop and attend to my finances, to find better deals and hold on the line so that someone at an insurance company will speak to me.   

I also don’t have to spend money to “cheer myself up” because I am naturally happier than when I was in a career which was the wrong one for me.

If considering a major life change it is, of course, really important to think about the practicalities but it is important to do so with a clear head and open mind rather than just assuming that because you have very easily been spending £X, you need to earn £X going forward.

• Pay it forward

I was reminded this week about a woman I trained once who really impressed me.  Not just because she was a professor at a leading US college, but because she made it her business each year to fund a post-graduate course for someone with great potential but in need of financial help.

The only thing that she asked of them was that they pay it forward in a similar way when they reached the point at which they were able to do so.  And she asked them to come and present to her students.

She did all of this, at least in part, because somebody did it for her.  Back when she was a woman in a man’s world on Wall Street in the 80s.  Somebody gave her the funding that enable her to get the specialised qualification she needed. 

But, she told me that she also gained a great deal of satisfaction from it and I can relate to that.

One of the most fulfilling aspects of my journey over the past decade has been the ability to give back. Whether through mentoring, coaching, or simply offering advice to someone starting out, the act of paying it forward has brought me immense joy.

It’s a reminder that success isn’t just about personal achievements; it’s about lifting others as you climb. If you have knowledge, share it. If you have time, offer it. The ripple effects of generosity are profound, and often, they come back to you in unexpected ways.

• The Importance of Setting Boundaries

One of the challenges of working independently is setting boundaries, especially when your work is something you’re passionate about. It’s easy to let work bleed into every aspect of your life, but that’s a quick route to burnout.

Over the past ten years, I’ve learned the importance of setting clear boundaries—both with clients and with myself. Whether it’s not checking emails after a certain time or making sure to take a proper lunch break, these boundaries have helped me maintain a healthy work-life balance or one that works for me, at least.

Setting boundaries is not just about protecting your time; it’s also about preserving your mental and emotional energy and in both setting and maintaining boundaries, whilst respecting those of others, you also communicate respect—both for yourself and for others.  This often leads to a healthier dynamic in professional relationships, where expectations are clear, and both parties understand the limits. In a world where the lines between work and life are increasingly blurred, having the courage to say “no” or “not right now” is essential for maintaining balance and avoiding overwhelm.

I could go on…

              But I won’t, although there are many other lessons. 

It has been eye-opening and rewarding. I’ve learned loads and I’ve made lots of mistakes, but recovered from them all.

Some day soon, I might even learn what I want to be when I grow up but, for now, I’m happy still experimenting.

I hope you agree with me that these lessons are applicable to anyone seeking a more fulfilling life.  I hope that at least some of them help you.

If any of these points resonate with you, or if you’re considering a career change, re-evaluating your life’s priorities, or simply want to lead a more balanced life, I’m here to help. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation to unlock new perspectives and possibilities.

Get in touch with me at cathbrown@skilfulconversation.com if you’d like support in working out how to improve your life, your career or your business.